NFL Anthem-Sitter Colin Kaepernick Is More Patriotic Than His Critics

Can we all agree that "The Star Spangled Banner" is kind of a shitty song? It's about violence and shit blowing up and gleefully murdering escaped slaves and flag fetishism. The lyrics were written by a slave owner who sought to silence abolitionists, and the melody is taken from a song by a British dude writing about a Greek poet who celebrated drinking and fucking. And, yeah, it's hard to sing.

That said, it shouldn't be an act of bravery that San Francisco 49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick stayed seated during the National Anthem at the team's Saturday preseason game. Kaepernick used the moment to protest against police brutality, among other issues. Kaepernick explained, "People are dying in vain because this country isn’t holding their end of the bargain up, as far as giving freedom and justice, liberty to everybody." If anything, protesting in order to make this a better country is about as patriotic an act as one can do. The entire fuckin' country exists because of protests that became an insurrection. And many of the people who started them were wealthy, like Kaepernick, and had a whole lot to lose if they failed.

Of course, we got the Neanderthal rage reaction of people burning their Kaepernick jerseys in opposition. We got other current and former NFL players saying shit like, "You should have some fucking respect for people who served[in the military], especially people that lost their life to protect our freedom," as ex-49er, now Minnesota Viking Alex Boone put it.

That point, that Kaepernick not rising for the anthem is an insult to the troops, is usually followed by an explanation that the troops fight for the freedoms Kaepernick enjoys. As some spoogerag right-wing columnist scribbled, "Those paid handsomely by ticket-buying spectators need to holster their peevish political urges for the sixty seconds of expected respect for the nation that affords them that freedom." That's kind of an odd perspective since you can say, "Well, thanks. Now I'm gonna use that freedom. Oh, and, by the way, they're also fighting for the freedom for you to tell me to fuck off. See how that works?"

Yes, yes, what about the troops, most of whom probably couldn't give two dry fucks about Kaepernick? Some fucknut at the Daily Caller (motto: "Yes, we do have lots of links to tits. Tucker Carlson likes tits") said, "Kaepernick should be a little more thankful for the men and women in uniform defending and protecting his life." And a Gold Star mother was livid at Kaepernick, saying that her son "died protecting the ideals of the flag you refuse to respect. He died so that ungrateful, privileged, arrogant men like you can be just that - ungrateful, privileged, and arrogant." To that you can say only that Americans dying in Afghanistan and Iraq have lost their lives because of the privilege and arrogance of those who started stupid, useless wars and perhaps she should be angrier at them than when a guy who throws a ball calls "Bullshit" on racism in the United States.

Other responses go even crazier, like "Colin Kaepernick has chosen to engage in an act of hate against the America of 2016," as columnist Mark Davis puts it (he is the aforementioned spoogerag). Davis, like some of the other Kaepernick haters, is all in this election season for Donald Trump, a man who regularly talks about how terrible the nation is, how the president is something akin to a traitor, and how he is the only savior. Sure, it sounds scary and fascistic and un-American to the extreme, but, hey, at least he stands during the National Anthem, right?

Kaepernick's seated ass is more patriotic than his critics' entire bodies.


Hillary Clinton Praises Republicans for Hiding Their Racism Better Than Trump

Obviously, Republican presidential candidate and man most likely to be face-fucked by a confused badger Donald Trump is a craven racist, like every craven racist before him. It's so easy to be racist that it's a wonder that more people aren't. Annoyed by someone whose skin is a little off-pigment from yours? It must be because of that. See? No thinking required. Let your prejudices run wild and free and declare that it's "political correctness" gone amok that won't allow you to yell, "Nigger" in a crowded political rally.

In her speech yesterday in Reno, Nevada, Hillary Clinton, the Democratic candidate and your rich great aunt, pretty much gave a Huffington Post-level rundown of everything that Trump has done to coddle white supremacists, demonize nonwhites and non-Judeo-Christians, promote nationalism, canoodle with psychopaths, and more. She tied Trump to the alt-right movement, the name of which is lipstick on a pig called "racism." Seriously, "alt-right"? More like "control-right," huh? Can I get a high-five?

Towards the end of the speech, Clinton veered into an appeal to Republicans to want candidates more like their previous nominees: "Twenty years ago when Bob Dole accepted the Republican nomination he pointed to the exits in the convention hall and told any racists in the party to get out. The week after 9/11, George W. Bush went to a mosque and declared for everyone to hear that 'Muslims love America just as much as I do.' In 2008, John McCain told his own supporters that they were wrong about the man he was trying to defeat. Senator McCain made sure they knew Barack Obama, he said, is 'an American citizen and a decent person.'"

Now, I'm not sure what Republican Party that Clinton is referring to. Would it be the party of Reagan, who lied about "welfare queens"? Would it be the party that used the Willie Horton ad with its scary black criminal on it to make voters run from Michael Dukakis? Would it be the party of Dole, who, like Clinton, talked about "superpredators" and was a big supporter of mass incarceration and welfare "reform"? Would it be the party of George W. Bush who, despite lip service on Muslim Americans, had Muslims tortured at Gitmo and elsewhere and started a war that ended up pitting Muslims against each other? Would it be the Republicans candidates who worked with campaign officials like Lee Atwater and Karl Rove, who would put out vicious, racist rumors, like saying in South Carolina that John McCain had an illegitimate black child? Would it be the party that nominated McCain, who made Sarah Palin his running mate, who heated up the whole "Obama is palling around with terrorists" rhetoric which McCain seemed to deplore, but it didn't stop him from telling supporters, "There are essential things we don't know about Sen. Obama," an obvious racist dog whistle for the growing, openly racist crowd in the GOP? Would it be the party of Mitt Romney, who had his own ludicrous plan for enforcing security on the Mexican border? Which group of motherfuckers and father-fellaters in the Republican Party are honorable?

Dole and McCain have said they support Trump. Clinton could have easily tied a concrete block of racism to the Republicans and shoved them into the river of history. Instead, she gave them a pass when the vast majority of the Republican agenda has been, for decades, as racist as just about anything the Trump has proposed. Trump is just not speaking in code. He's not asking for laws that appear like they aren't racist but, really, and, c'mon, are. He's just saying racist shit and loving that his crowds go along with however fucked-up it is.

Just like "alt-right" is a polite term for "fucking bigot," Clinton missed the opportunity to say that "Republican" is just another word for "racist" and that Trump is merely a more honest version of the awful white people the GOP has offered the country.

But, hey, on the plus side, it's better to drag these movements into the light of day, where we can see them for what they are.


Very Quickie: Your Life Is a Game Show to Donald Trump

I'm seeing Springsteen tonight, so I kinda don't give a fuck about Trump right now.

But let's pause to consider how appalling it was that Donald Trump asked a mostly white audience if they thought it was cool to let undocumented immigrants who haven't committed crimes and been in the country for a long time stay. Not as citizens, mind you, but as something like, say, blacks living in apartheid South Africa.

Of course, the white people applauded wildly. Of course, walking scrotum Sean Hannity let Trump get away with it. Of course, instead of talking about how fucking nauseating it was to turn the lives of millions of people into a motherfucking game show, or that a decadent emperor asked the gathered hordes if he should kill the slaves, the media is wondering if this indicates Trump is  "softening" on immigration. 

Sure. He went from a spree killer to a simple murderer. He's a goddamn hero. 

Going to a show. Fuck him in every way.

(This was edited to change a couple of metaphors that were awkward as hell. I was really high and hastily typing on my phone before the concert. I regret the poor choice, but I'm sure as shit not apologizing.)


Donald Trump and Hip-Hop: A Deranged Historical Moment from 1999

It's truly a fascinating article by Nancy Jo Sales from Vibe magazine back in May 1999. This was just before Donald Trump started his flirtation with running for president, which moved on to harassment of it during his birther phase before his full on sexual assault of the American political system now. "Money Boss Player" is about Trump as the white mogul who is beloved by and himself loves rap royalty like the once and future Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs and Russell Simmons.

Wu-Tang Clan member Method Man lays out why Trump was so readily accepted by people who often struggled from poverty and violence to get some measure of success: "I like Trump's style. It's like 'I'm rich, fuck y'all. I build my buildings and put my name on them. Fuck y'all.'"

Sales describes Trump as "hip-hop before he himself knew." And, as Nelson George, author of Hip Hop America and now producer of Netflix's The Get Down, says, Trump was accepted by rappers for the very same reasons that he is celebrated by the disaffected racists in the Republican Party: his outsider status. George explains, "Trump is respected by people in hip-hop because he's not a corporate guy. He's a self-made entrepreneur, and that's key to the hip-hop mentality. They respect him for being a 'fuck you' hero.'"

It's amazing how long Trump has worked various cons. The "self-made" man would have gotten nowhere without his father's money and connections. The outsider worked the corporate world through investments and gaming bankruptcy laws, and now, as a politician, the longtime political donor pretends to be a naif-gladiator in the arena against the corrupt lions.

"What could be more hip-hop than self-promotion?" Sales asks before comparing Trump bragging about his wealth to LL Cool J and Jay-Z doing something similar. One white hip-hop promoter says of Trump, "He's shunned socially by old money...But now hip-hop is saying, 'Hey, you're our kind' and he's saying, 'Hey, cool.'" She adds, absurdly, "Trump has a ghetto pass." It never occurs to Sales or anyone that Trump is using rap for street cred and rappers are using Trump because they think he'll give them access to an elite world.

But, surely, you're thinking, Trump must say something that proves this is all just an act, another bit of the big grift, a quote that demonstrates that his latent racism is present. Well, you have to wait until the end, when Trump says, "I think hip-hop has done more for race relations, and more for respect among everyone, than anything. Because these guys really are respected. I can tell you - hey, the most important white people have total respect for these guys."

And there you go. The fuckery we've come to expect. It's not that the black artists and business people are worthy of respect. It's that white people respect them that makes them worth respecting.

But, no, go on, please, about his "appeal" to black Americans and what he believes are their shitty, unfulfilled lives.

(Click here, for the 2016 rap song, "Fuck Donald Trump." Times do change.)

Late Post Today

Caught in a paradox: Hillary Clinton is running for president, but no one is talking about any of her ideas should she be, you know, president. But Donald Trump farts out something about immigration and it's all we hear about. Sick of the whole goddamn thing, but will soldier on with non-pivoting rudeness later.


Clinton Foundation "Revelations": How Is It Different From Anything Else in Our Broken Political System?

We're really all gonna fucking pretend that something shocking happened because donors to the Clinton Foundation were able to get "access" to Hillary Clinton when she was Secretary of State? 'Cause, you know, right now, not only will Donald Trump not release his tax returns so we can see just how much he's the butt boy of Russian oligarchs, but he is quite obviously using his campaign to enrich the companies owned by or associated with Donald Trump.

But, no, really, go on, please about how Bono wanted to talk to Clinton about forcing astronauts on the space station to watch a U2 concert, something that quite reasonably didn't happen.

I have heard from probably a couple hundred people who insist that the Clinton Foundation "scandal" is going to blow up. How the fuck is that going to work? Are we gonna ACORN the organization that is doing the fucking hard work of going into nations in Africa and getting HIV/AIDS drugs to people there? Are we gonna tar and feather the group that got prices slashed for malaria tests and drugs, leading to hundreds of thousands of children staying malaria free? For fuck's sake, are we gonna just say, "Fuck it" to all the health and economic initiatives because the crown prince of Bahrain gave a bunch of money to the foundation and later asked to meet with the Secretary of State? As if that is some kind of evil in action? As if that isn't actually a perfectly reasonable thing for a head of state to want to do? Yeah, evil nations and people donated money to the Foundation. Shit, it might have even dangled access as an implied prize. But where's the quid pro quo, huh? What radically changed because of it? Not a goddamn thing other than "access."

Motherfuckers, you want evil in action? Members of Congress are under constant threat from the National Rifle Association. The NRA shovels shit tons of money into the campaigns of primarily Republicans, and you can fucking well bet that when Wayne LaPierre wants one of them on the phone, they will stop everything they're doing - filibustering a bill to help poor people, getting blown by a page, shooting up heroin into their thighs - to take the call. That's called access and its only purpose is to enrich the gun corporations with the blood of Americans. That shit's evil.

Money gets you access. It's that fucking simple. When George W. Bush was running for president and then for reelection, he promised people who donated $100,000 to his campaign or more access. This wasn't a secret. And, even though it should have been, it wasn't a scandal. Here's the Washington Post on what these donors, called "Pioneers," wanted: "More than half the Pioneers are heads of companies -- chief executive officers, company founders or managing partners -- whose bottom lines are directly affected by a variety of government regulatory and tax decisions." You think they donated because they just loved W? They knew what they were paying for. Shit, 40% of the Pioneers ended up with appointments in the Bush administration.

And, yeah, it fucking sucks all around. It sucked with Bush. It sucked with the Lincoln Bedroom kerfuffle during Bill Clinton's term. It's a stupid fucking way to run a political system.

But it's the one we have. So, frankly, unless you got something like an outright bribe, like Hillary Clinton was promised piles of gold and more dick than she could ever want to make some kind of deal for Saudi Arabia or Monsanto that she wouldn't have made otherwise, who the fuck cares? Oh, shit, you mean that repressive nations and polluting corporations get shit done for them by our government? Where is the fainting couch? It ain't right, but making Clinton into the target when it's a systemic failure is just weak.

There's a fucking serial killer running on the Republican side. And some of you on the left and even more of  you on the right want us to get angry that the Democrats have a jaywalker? Fuck you, you children. Grow the fuck up and elect people to change our campaign finance laws.

(And, yeah, yeah, the Clinton Foundation donations weren't to a political campaign, but, really, weren't they? Besides, unless you want to make the rest of the system pure, your focus on this "corruption" is tainted.)


Quickie: Hillary Clinton's 1992 "Seizure" That Wasn't a Seizure at All

Seriously, what motherfucker came up with the idea that, because Hillary Clinton jokingly jostled like a silent comedian to look shocked at reporters peppering her with questions, she was having seizures associated with a concussion she had a few years ago? How fucking dumb do you have to be to believe that, Sean Hannity, you vile sucker of Trump's limp, tiny cock?

Let's go back, shall we, to 1992, when her husband, Bill Clinton, accepted the nomination for president at the Democratic National Convention. Watch her with Tipper Gore, the wife of then-future vice president.

She was smiling, bopping back and forth, doing essentially the same kind of sudden, happy motions that a demonstrative person might do. But, today, some dickhole with a Twitter egg would have declared that Saint Vitus Dance and demanded that she be burned at the stake.

So, like, I know Donald Trump will fucking do anything but talk about any policies in any detail. But enough of this bullshit. Don't even entertain Trump's accusations about Clinton's health. Not when that lying son of a bitch and bastard hasn't told us shit about his physical or financial health.

Takin' the Day Off, Boss

Need a personal day.

Back tomorrow with more seizure-filled rudeness.


Photos That Make the Rude Pundit Want to Shoot Up Speedballs

That right there is a group of Maspeth, Queens, New York City, New York residents protesting the proposal by the city to convert a Holiday Inn Express in the neighborhood into a shelter for homeless adults with families who are from the Maspeth community. The protest took place at a school gym in Maspeth, where, to put it politely, people lost their fucking shit.

"[B]uild a fucking homeless shelter next to de Blasio's house," said one man, yelling at Human Resources Administration Commissioner Steve Banks. Chants of "No homeless shelter" were chanted by chanters wearing things like a "Mayor de Blasio, go fuck yourself!" t-shirt. In fact, the protesters have been marching in front of the Holiday Inn Express on a daily basis.

You must be thinking right now, "Dear God, this motel has to be in the middle of an urban paradise, surrounded by homes and lawns and schools and children riding their bikes and playing Kick the Can. Yes, we must keep the area pure and sanctified."

Except, you know, it's actually in an industrial area, surrounded by a gas station, the interstate, and a Coca-Cola distributing center. Here's a Google Street View right in front of the motel:

There's a nice looking McDonald's on the other side. Maybe they're worried about crime increasing when they're getting McPoison.

In other words, a bunch of white people don't want the city to do anything to offend their prejudices. Assholes are gonna asshole. Wonder how many of those Maspeth residents with the signs go to their local church every Sunday and pray for the homeless and the poor? Apparently, that shit doesn't stick once you leave the pews.

Oh, and, in case it comes up, I have a homeless shelter and a halfway house in my neighborhood. You know how much crime is caused by that? None, as far as I know.