2/22/2018

What Did That Dumb Orange Motherfucker Say Now? (Guns, Guns, and More Guns Edition)

It's been 24 hours of our dumb orange motherfucker of a president, Donald Trump, saying things that only a dumb motherfucker would say about guns and the solution to mass shootings at schools in the United States. It started with his "listening session" with parents, teachers, and students who had lost someone in a school shooting or had survived one. Of course, it was a "listening session" only if you consider as "listening" the way in which Trump sat sullenly in his chair, hunched over like a particularly brain damaged bonobo wondering when boring blah-blah time will be over so he can throw some of the poo he's been saving up.

I mean, really, the man needed a goddamn note to tell him to ask things that even a barely literate child would have known to ask.

But, finally, after being forced to hear stories about human beings with feelings that aren't just "Trump good. Me love Trump. He have big hands and penis," the mad president got to say his piece, and, obviously, it was utterly inhuman nonsense crossed with the kind of idiocy that only a rich fuck who's never been told he's full of shit can provide. Seriously, my favorite thing Trump does when he speaks is to act like he's fuckin' Magellan, discovering shit that other people have always known about.

"You know, years ago, we had mental hospitals — mental institutions," he informed the gathered people, as if they were all aliens who had just come to earth. "We had a lot of them, and a lot of them have closed. They’ve closed. Some people thought it was a stigma. Some people thought, frankly, it was a — the legislators thought it was too expensive." Okay, first, asshole, whose fuckin' party thought it was too expensive to keep people institutionalized? And then a whole bunch of 'em were fuckin' hellholes and dumping grounds. Besides, who the fuck is gonna pay for the treatment, since someone thinks it's a goddamn crime to provide health care.

Trump continued on this point: "Today, if you catch somebody, they don’t know what to do with them. He hasn’t committed the crime, but he may, very well. And there’s no mental institution, there’s no place to bring them." What the fuck is he talking about? Your guess is as good as anyone else's. But you can bet that his kids and his lackeys told him he's brilliant. The National Alliance on Mental Illness released a statement calling "bullshit" on this.

Twice Trump told us that carrying guns in a concealed way is "called concealed carry," as if he's letting us all in on some secret lingo. His idea, that 20% of teachers would have "special training" and they would be armed with guns and ready to go fuckin' Statham on any active shooters in their school, is so fucking ridiculously dumb that it's not even deserving of discussion. Not only did the Broward County sheriff dismiss it last night, but Senator Marco Rubio, one of the NRA's spoogebuckets, also thought it was worthless (this was in-between being totally owned by Parkland high school students).

Our fucking worthless piece of garbage president went even nutsier today while meeting with members of law enforcement, elfen scourge Jeff Sessions, and bejeweled viper Betsy DeVos. He shit all over every president that came before him: "We will take action, unlike, for many years, where people sitting in my position did not take action. They didn’t take proper action. They took no action at all. We’re going to take action." You mean all those laws that were filibustered or voted down by the GOP? Fuck you, man.

There was bizarro torture porn featuring MS-13, the Latino gang that gives Trump semi-wood whenever he mentions their swarthy violence: "They’re killing people, not necessarily with guns — because that’s not painful enough. This is what they think. They want to do it more painfully and they want to do it slowly. So they cut them up with knives. They don’t use guns; they use knives, because they want it to be a long, painful death to people that had no idea this was coming." I honestly never thought I'd live to see a president who loved describing graphic pain.

Again, Trump's brain is stuck in the 1980s, when the Crips and the Bloods were the big deal, when violence in video games and movies were the subject of congressional hearings and White House action. Said our old man president, "I’m hearing more and more people say the level of violence on video games is really shaping young people’s thoughts. And then you go the further step, and that’s the movies. You see these movies, they’re so violent. And yet a kid is able to see the movie if sex isn’t involved, but killing is involved, and maybe they have to put a rating system for that." No, we've never discussed this before. We'd never put a rating system onto video games, TV, and movies.

But the piece-de-fucked-up-tance was the repetition of "hardened" schools. Talking about "gun-free zones," as if they are just areas where everyone is wearing a "shoot me" sign, Trump said, "We have to harden our schools, not soften them up." And that means arming and training the teacher commandos. "You have now made the school into a hardened target...You want a hardened school, and I want a hardened school, too," he repeated.

"Surely," you're thinking, "it couldn't get any more fucking weird." Oh, how about this: "I think we need hardened sites. We need to let people know: You come into our schools, you’re going to be dead, and it’s going to be fast...So we have to harden our sites... if you harden the sites, you’re not going to have this problem...We need a hardened school. But we want to harden it without having everybody standing there with a rifle...Everybody agrees on a hard...we have to harden our schools, we have to make sure — in a way that doesn’t look like they’re hardened. But we have to let the bad guy know that they are hardened...I’d much rather have a hardened school."

Feel free to make your own "harden" jokes. I'll just say that it's fucking disturbing how he locks onto a word he heard and repeats it like a skipping record that no one dares to turn off.

At the end of the day, our cruel dunderheaded president won't do shit, nor will the filthy whores in the GOP, not with all that NRA cash sticking out of their assholes and Wayne LaPierre, standing there with a shovel, ready to shove more into any orifice that presents itself.